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Just call me Half...

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[31 Aug 2012|02:11pm]
I've recently considered killing myself. My best reason is that it's an easy way not to deal with things anymore. I feel weak right now because I either honestly considered going through with it or that I didn't have the galls to do it. Right now I'm just pathetic. I just made a dramatic scene of it and I can't look past it. I'm about to leave on a plane towards Chicago soon and I'm just hoping that something will cause it to crash.
I am a weak person. All this time I've been distracted and I can't face reality as it is. I can't do anything for anybody. I can't even help myself. I'm sorry for this life I'm living and taking up its time. Am I about to break?
give me a reason to laugh

[07 Nov 2008|03:23pm]
2 pokes|give me a reason to laugh

Mega Man (?) [23 Oct 2008|12:15pm]


This is my version of Mega Man.
No name for this one yet.
Thinking something like the Mage Chronicles.
Or Omega...
Something


Dues Ex Machina
give me a reason to laugh

Mage Master [22 Oct 2008|11:28am]


Thanks to my new friend Alan, whom I work with at the Board of Elections, I was able to produce this.
I finally have Flash!!!
(and photoshop)

So here is Mage Master.
give me a reason to laugh

[15 Oct 2008|05:23am]
A sudden cause for sympathy demands no invitation.
With this sudden urge to suddenly forget what tuning your in.
Suddenly you shudder at the mimicked tones, strangers waiting to invade your ear
Suffocation seems that much bitter when solid.
So...
Why so sick all of a sudden?
give me a reason to laugh

[29 Sep 2008|06:54pm]
Leave it.
Residing into coma like cognitives, restarts then resumes
Restart this regime
Balder the bosses, retain their (not withstanding
Focus on the lighter side...
) hours start from finish then goodbye
the day repeats

Then caca bleeds from brain
a brain! a brain! how could it be a brain!
whose to decide the play of the sane?
whose two pennies reembark my disdain...

Leave it...
Wishing for nowhere to disappear==--::..__
Again this mouth stops talking
And again it looks for words to steal
Let's run these! Bitches and ti/t these vaults
Make snowy white pubes
shriek in their freight
trains that sewn our land
Leave it?

Then who is it left to?
give me a reason to laugh

[07 Jun 2008|05:27pm]
- lost my sketch book
- lost my ipod
- lost a job
- lost my gig for the 22nd
1 poke|give me a reason to laugh

I think I know where I'm going for my birthday [06 May 2008|12:43am]
Wow, 3 day pass for pitchfork only $65
I think I'll be fine for two day for $50
give me a reason to laugh

Four jobs, a car with bad health, and bills... [04 May 2008|11:00pm]
I've finally been hired at two more places right now.
I still have the two DJ companies I could work for but I've just accepted a job from Sage, working with my sista, and one down at the Feisty Bull Dog.

But unfortunately the car has been acting up. It's over heating and it's hard to figure out why?
Yesterday evening was spent replacing the oil gasket. As I learned how to change the oil, it still didn't solve the problem. So earlier today, I replaced the oil and coolant. And as I was driving to play the gig at camp, it was still acting up. The coolant reserve was shaking abruptly. The coolant in there was boiling? Not sure. So I had to bail on the gig, came back home, and tested the thermostat in boiling water to see if it was opening up. From what I could tell, it works...? So me and Hoots went through some forums and did some research. I don't know. Hoots sure helped a lot but this isn't good. I have DJ gigs tomorrow and Wednesday and I start working at the Feisty Bulldod that day two. I'm working all this week.
I plan on moving out to St. Louis to make things easier. And Eddy and Trish can move in and make a little profit from rent. But being able to drive a car at this moment is not gonna make things easier. I can hitch a bus it's not gonna help much.
Fuck...

It's rough. Should wake up early tomorrow and see what to do next.

I also added some new songs onto MySpace...
give me a reason to laugh

How wrong it must feel [24 Apr 2008|04:40am]
So I did something that I said I was never going to do...
I put up a MySpace...

Technically it's only an artist MySpace so I could expand my music more.
Garageband seems like a lot of work. Right now, I have a lot of time to work on things.

I don't believe I've mentioned this here but I got fired from the Four Points about three weeks ago. I was fired on the count of shoving cake in the dishwasher's face. There were a few of us in on it. I was just the martyr. After getting pissed, this kid went home and cried about it for two hours. Now when I say kid, I'm referring to this 18 6'1 redhead who is so up tight yet tries to act like he's shit. His mother was upset so she called the GM, Stacy, who happens to be related to them. So I get a call from one of my co-workers who was involved and she breaks the news that I was suspended until futher notice and that I needed to talk to Stacy. It was too late on that Friday to talk to her so I decided that with my time off I would take my brother back up to Chicago. Amy, the other one involved, then calls me back and says she got suspended as well. Stacy's on some shit. So they were out two of there main bartenders the next Saturday, and severely understaffed as it was. I believe it was on Sunday, while in Chicago, that Amy called me back revealing that Stacy was going around saying I was fired. Some crock of bullshit with not letting me know.
So I am finally relieved of that hellhole. But other's are still suffering.
Training to be Captain, Amy was demoted.
And my assistant banquet manager was also demoted to a regular server after she returns from maternity leave.
Another incident that happened recently was when the front desk manager Monica said some sort of joke to the two Amy's working their Wednesday night manager's get drunk reception and is no longer allowed to participate in the drinking. Stacy is on some other shit.
All the guys use to talk about how they would band Stacy... hard. But I could never bring myself to do that. She is evil. It's like high school over there. There is a manager clic, yes a manager clic with the female managers.
That place is turning into a shit hole more and more each day.
I'm not trying to be full of myself but it has seriously become a worse environment to work in. No one is really allowed to talk about the whole 'cake incident'. People have gotten piss.
And I knew that if they wanted to make an example of how strict they can be, they needed to fire me.

Now I'm broke, working a few DJ gigs but I still feel fine. I'm probably worse than my whole nervous break down but I'm still feeling better.

Okay here are some updates.
-myspace page http://www.myspace.com/yourjunkiechrist
-May 4th. Nado's Delight performing at Camp for a pre Cinco De Mayo gathering. We might be on 88.1 KDHX!
-May 22th. Nado's Delight performing at Camp for fundraiser.
-June 27th? Nado's Delight performing at The Royal.
-Started work today with another DJ company. Gateway DJ Entertainment. Owner is training me to DJ at clubs downtown. So... Yeah
Need to work right?
1 poke|give me a reason to laugh

[19 Apr 2008|03:10am]
Get a load of this video


All I could think is that Holly needs to see this.
give me a reason to laugh

CAKE OR DEATH!!! [03 Apr 2008|07:50pm]
Last thursday was my last day working at the Four Points by Sheraton. Amy K had to update me on my current work situation the whole time I was in Chicago. And they couldn't really say much at all.
Fucking whore, just because I smashed some cake in my GM's cousin's face and then going home and cry about it for an hour or two.
After all that shit, I was suspended until further notice. So I took my brother back to Chicago. Then Amy called me again, saying that my GM was telling everyone that I was fired.

But I was more than happy to leave that place. I got a job interview tomorrow at Melting Pot.
give me a reason to laugh

Is this what a human being does...? [26 Mar 2008|04:14pm]
St. Louis is promoting a social lifestyle for myself. Including music, friends, and alcohol.
Now I still drink occasionally, I don't splurge my earnings liquor or beer. But a fraction has been spent on it these past weeks.
Right now I'm reading Chuck Palahniuk's Invisible Monsters, comaring his writing style to Fight Club's. Moving from the male perspective of rock bottom to the female interpretation of life as a fashion magazine.
I'm reading this as I rip Tony's selection of must hear music, and listening to Cat Power.
Reading books, listening to music, forming my being. All while the world is slowing detoxing itself.
Through others are we influenced. A scenario that I've been out of the loop with for a while. No longer am I the anti-social brother. I am ?Mark, Marky Q, Junkiechrist, little retarded brother.

Finally I am getting my own spotlight.
Smoking cigarettes and feeling the love.

Somewhat.
One problem of mine is that I easily neglect things. Subjects, Objects, Mammals, References.
I just get tired easily. And forget about my responsibilities. My promises. (mostly to myself)

Things are coming together slowly, but not fast enough.
"of course not silly, you have to make things happen for yourself"
but what have I done so far for the greater good
"you still haven't grasp the concept of 'the greater good', your still figuring out yourself"
I thought I knew myself, just don't know what to Do with myself
"All that will happen, Will happen. For others, the world, and you. Don't expect people to expect something from you."

Okay, for now I'll just return to this book.
give me a reason to laugh

[13 Mar 2008|01:43am]
Allow me to stand, as friends and foes make history and fear for the soul.
I will be short. I will see the dynamics unfold within a colder heart.
Naive doubts but the eyes and hands seek more than just the water to wash in.
Sorry BIll, but in the event of two options, I'll seek the answer then.

Sleep comes handy when needed to waste time.
Money comes easy when time passes.
Need to sleep to make money. And to get frumpy tomorrow.
No wine and cheese, Jimmy Cricket's ballocks.
give me a reason to laugh

What am I writing about? [12 Mar 2008|01:23am]
Oh here's a place to start, I hate my job!
Why, because it asks for me to do a lot.
Well not only that, I knew the hotel was a hell hole, and it just seems that things are only getting worse.
For a hotel that has managed to stay in the top three within our brand name for almost a decade, this shitbag is gonna go through some shit.
I plan on quitting that place, not right now though. As good as this new DJ gig pays, it's only a part time deal.
And playing out isn't very dependable at all. Right now we are in the spending money stage.
We have a gig this Thursday, we're getting paid in wine and cheese. I believe...
Randi's friend was in need of a band, so I accepted without reading the memo.
Dammit, but we also have a gig for Camp. We are sharing out of a jar with other bands. Fundraiser.
Money is a sucker for lust.

Anyways, the bosses are making cutbacks and dropping postions like Whitney's. They got rid of the Catering Secretary without much warning. And she got me the job there. Well, I don't see them letting me go anytime soon. I don't think they would. I work a hell of a lot of positions to not take advantage of me, like putting me in the godforsaken restaruant almost everynight. Tonight was damaging. Trying to get things done but all these assholes (I'm actually refering to the fact that they have assholes and decided to bring it with them) kept showing up at my bar. Errg.
I need to wake up early, early for me anyways.
give me a reason to laugh

Fetching lost data from a recorded evening... [08 Mar 2008|04:28pm]
Crude my lips were, churning false sylablles. Recreating flukes.
A passage unto unknown friendly ears, flocking memorablias.
"Let them brake the layers!" the morning wails.
Skin holds us back. It shelters the whimpering spine as our probablities demand more.
Ours is the hold, the water cries. Naming the restless gabbles into vague shadows.
Leave our names. Leave the boushe of dependencies by the door. You need only your aura.
Let us sit in catacombs of filing cabenet globes. Ere as speech mimics the colors.
You have yet to learn of the weaving brought by your train.
Bird means blue, air is death. Work has brought the turrents to your front porch.
Determine the essences of volume, tone, output, length, what was said, what was meant, who you are saying it to, what was heard, what was recieved, what inanimate objects absorded or repelled, can you hear me from downstairs?
Children see space. I see nothing, for there is nothing. Colors are there maybe but only cause they want you to see them as solid. Open as they are.
We are not round, just a clump of dirt.
give me a reason to laugh

Day 4 of Detox [24 Feb 2008|01:46am]
This master cleanse is not as hard as it seems, other than the fact I want to go get Taco Bell right now.
Tera had quit as of last night, I texted her today looking for moral support from a fellow detoxer. Made me sad. But maybe it will strengthen my resolve. I'm aiming for the 1st of the month. Dee and I started a bet for $20 to see who could go longer, but do I win seeing as she had a small amount of something after we made the bet? And we had this pasta with chicken at work which I would have eaten. And the room I worked for had ice cream with cookies in it. Not cheap shit but milano shit.
It's hard not to think about food. Pizza with the works, fried rice with ham, won ton soup, mexican pizza from Taco Bell, free apptizer plate from any place my coupon book allows.
My eating habits suck.
I am overly dependent for food. I am a glutton. So much we've let our selves become dependent on. One day I will live in the woods.

Huh, trying to think of something else that would be delicious, but I've lost interest.
Anyways, my view of it.
I just gotta keep preoccupied with music or playing video games.
And thinking that my time is not as long as it seems.
And that I don't want to waste this batch of retardo juice that I've already made.
Or I don't want to waste the lemons I have left.
...
give me a reason to laugh

Last friday, considered a treat after my new job. [20 Feb 2008|01:46am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

Photobucket

Dawn Rising, Me, Tony Pony, and the VD girl.

After my new job, I came out to see the Monads and the Seven Shot Screamers to play at the City Museum. Through out most of the 7SS set was mosh pit heaven. It was good, I needed some roughin up. At the end, it made my night to hear them cover "Ballroom Blitz". I was listening to that song all week.

I puked a little at work, it was not fun.
Drinking Retardo Juice tomorrow.

give me a reason to laugh

[19 Feb 2008|01:40am]
Um, why is are people getting prego and getting abortions all of a sudden?
This co-worker of mine told me how he has to go in Thursday with a girl (about eight years younger) he broke up with but has still been fooling around with to an abortion clinic.
He has all these problems racked up in his life and his hopes to raise a child is diminished a little more with reasons not to keep this child.
He's lead a hard life it seems. His father has been taking advantage of him, and has also stolen a great deal of worth. And he works just to get by.
It's always hard cheering up someone with a shittier life.
Reflecting on my own, I have a lot to be greatful for.
And I am making the effort to change the direction in my life.
This only thing I can think to help him feel better is hooking him up with some shrooms.
What better way to get over your own offsprings death than being completely out of it.
give me a reason to laugh

[17 Feb 2008|12:07pm]
Okay, so I've put Hollow So Soon on the review list and I am currently ranking 198 out of 270 something. And I have 2.7 out of 5 starts.
But most of the reviews state that my production quality is shit.
It is shitty. I was aware of that when I posted it but I just wanted to know what kinda response the song would get. So far, it needs work but it seems hopeful.
give me a reason to laugh

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